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“Did you get something to eat yet I was lost in research and forgot all about dinner. I was going to throw something together real quick.” “No,” I replied, “but I’m not really hungry.” “Ok than sweetie. Don’t forget to set your alarm clock.” “I already did mom.” Apparently my drowsiness began showing; mom began moving back down the hall toward the kitchen. I walked into my room, closed the door and dropped onto my bed. Seven o’clock; that was the time my alarm clock would go off in the morning. That’s when I would go with mom to pick up my brother. My brother, actually, he was my half brother but I would never consider him anything less than a full one, even if his biological mom wasn’t the same as mine. I hadn’t seen him in two years. I watched him leave for college then, onto an airplane to North Carolina. He had talked two of his friends into going to the same college as him; one of them had talked his girlfriend into joining. She was to eventually become my brother’s. Bad enough notknowing where I am. But as usual there was considerable doubt as towho I am.I made the rapid assessment that I was still me, (at least the me Inow defined myself as) and that I'd appeared to have lived through mydisastrous miscarriage.Although I wondered whether I would I even know if I'm actually dead?My life just gets more and more hellish by the moment. I could havebeen roasting away in Hades this whole time, like I had previouslyconsidered.But I knew it wasn't completely true. My life with Kevin was far fromhell. It was the happiest I remember ever being.Right now though, it appeared to be the antithesis, for it feltundoubtedly like the saddest.I had lost my unborn baby; and maybe my uterus too.I couldn't tell. My vagina hurt and I had a strong gnawing pain fromdeep inside my pelvis.I suppose that intense degree of discomfort was a strong indication Iwas alive.I was surprised I had survived. Meg must have got the clots out in thenick of time and I imagine I'd been.
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